


Turning Out

by chronicallyilltrashcan



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Emotional Constipation, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Rating May Change, Song fic, Tags to be added, college!rhink, pining!Link, pining!Rhett, running away from your problems to get that cardio
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-09 23:16:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20125468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chronicallyilltrashcan/pseuds/chronicallyilltrashcan
Summary: College has been a time of growth and revelations for both Rhett and Link, but as the real world looms near, Rhett fears he may loose Link to the harsh reality of the paths they've chosen to take





	1. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _ I hold you_   
_I hold you closer than I ever knew_   
_I could do_   
_But I'm confused_   
_I thought I'd recognize when love was true_   
_But I'm confused_

Rhett had been lying motionless on his bottom bunk for a while now, unable to calm his mind enough to fall asleep. Above him, he can hear Link sleeping peacefully but with abandon, light snores every so often drifting from the top bunk to Rhett’s. To any other friend—, to a  _ normal _ friend, Rhett thinks to himself—it would be annoying. But to Rhett, it makes him want to lay next to Link, to hold Link in a way he shouldn’t. 

Rhett doesn’t love Link. Or at least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.  _ You’re just confused _ , he repeats to himself, night after night, as Link’s soft noises of slumber drive him mental. He realizes he wants to hear those noises the rest of his life. He tells himself it’s just ‘cause he’s as close to Link now as he has ever been, physically and emotionally. They’ve seen each other at their absolute worst: sick, messy, stressed, crying, stupid- drunk, even walking in on each other masturbating. But that's all normal... right?

Rhett’s heart aches with the reality that junior year is coming to a close soon, and before they know it they’ll be seniors. Which means only one more year living together, only one more year of wrestling each other, only one more year of bickering like an old married couple over dishes or laundry, only one more year of having the privilege of listening to Link sleep, of hearing him fucking  _ sigh _ in his sleep. 

But no, Rhett isn’t in love with him. That’s not a thing here. Men don’t love men, at least not in the traditional, romantic sense. The world expects the two of them to settle down with steady jobs, a humble house, and to start a family—which Rhett wants, only he wants with Link and Link alone. But of course, that’s not what’s expected. That’s the only exception, but it’s a big one. 

And, goddamnit, Rhett fucking loves him, ok? Despite everything his mind is telling him, he knows what his heart wants. There were no sparks flying or birds singing, but he loves him. He loves him in every sense of the word. He loves him like he’s seen on TV. He loves him like they say God loves him. He loves him in the worst and best ways possible. Link’s his best friend and also his true love, and honestly, should there be a difference? 

And fuck, he wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yeah so i deleted this fic once before out of self hatred but its back baby
> 
> huge shoutout to Mike @its-mike-kapufty for gracing me with their beta abilities and reassurance 
> 
> inspired by "turning out" by ajr cause that song owns my whole ass


	2. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _ Am I ready for love?_   
_Or maybe just a best friend_   
_Should there be a difference_   
_Do you have instructions?_   
_Maybe I'm stuck on what I see on TV_   
_I grew up on Disney_   
_But this don't feel like Disney_

“Hey, uhhh, Rhett? Can we talk for a bit?” 

Link had entered their dorm rather sheepishly, gently closing the door as if Rhett was some frightened house cat Link was afraid to disturb. 

Rhett looked up from his desk where he had been agonizing over his impending chemistry final, trying to study to no avail. “Sure bo, what’s up?” 

Link avoided looking at him as he sat down on Rhett’s bunk, dropping his backpack on the floor next to his feet. He wore an expression that Rhett had never seen before; his eyes were downcast and his face was drawn in… shame? Fear? A little of both? Rhett’s heart migrated into his throat a little as he scooted his chair towards Link, who shifted uncomfortably and continued to look anywhere but Rhett. His leg bounced with so much force it shook the entire bunk bed. Rhett reached out to still Link’s nervous leg, which forced Link to finally meet his gaze. “Link…talk to me. What’s goin’ on?” 

Link bit his bottom lip and drew a deep breath before speaking. “I…I’ve been thinking a lot, about my future, ya know, with us graduating in a year and such, and…” He paused and made piercing eye contact with Rhett, and the vulnerability Rhett saw there shook him to his core. “And...?” 

“And God, Rhett. I’m so scared. I’m so fucking scared. Things are getting more serious with Christy and I know everyone is expecting us to probably get married after we graduate and it’s not that I don’t want to, I just don’t know if I’m ready and I’m scared if I don’t propose right away people are gonna think I’m just leadin’ her on and she’ll leave me, and don’t even get me  _ started  _ on kids….” 

Rhett swallowed hard at the mention of Christy and marriage and kids, but he knew he had to be there for Link. Link needed a friend right now, not someone hopelessly in love with him. 

“And I just am so scared to graduate because I’m afraid I won’t find a job, or if I do I will be totally unprepared for it, or realize I hate being an engineer ‘cause I already kinda hate it, but most importantly, Rhett…” Link paused and Rhett smiled weakly to show some support. “...I don’t wanna be apart from you. I don’t wanna stop living with you.”

Rhett furrowed his brows at Link’s words, unsure of what exactly he meant. If he didn’t know better, he would say Link had somehow read his mind the other night and is spitting his thoughts back at him. But he was looking at him with such love in his eyes that Rhett’s heart stuttered. It seemed his heart knew something his brain didn’t. 

“What are you saying?” Rhett practically whispered, afraid to hear what he suspected Link might say next. 

“Rhett…I’m in love with you”. 

Rhett gasped slightly. What was he supposed to say? For the first time in a while, Rhett’s mind was still, so still he could hear his blood pumping, his heart pounding. He felt like he was taking a test he hadn’t studied for; that dread of staring at a page full of questions that you have no idea how to answer. But Link was looking at him expectantly, having just bared his heart for Rhett’s scrutiny, and it seemed each second that passed in silence etched another line of fear onto his friend’s face. And suddenly everything in his body was screaming at him.  _ Say it back. Tell him you feel the same way. Come on. Tell him. Tell him! Why are you just sitting there? You love him, you fucking know you love him. Just say it! SAY IT! _

Instead, Rhett ran. He bolted upright and turned towards the door, rushing for it and swinging it open. He could vaguely hear Link calling him, asking him where he was going. But he was no longer in control of his own body. Fear and vulnerability had battled in his mind, and fear had won. 

When he stepped outside their dorm, he felt like he was surfacing after being underwater. His legs carried him down the hall and out of the building, and before he knew it, he was standing under a tree just outside where he and Link regularly relaxed. The reality of what had just happened finally hit him, and he slid down the trunk, purposefully facing away from the sidewalk as tears fell. Rhett hugged his gangly legs to his chest, laid his head on his knobby knees, and finally let the feelings he’d held back from Link burst forth in the form of cries and sobs. Every emotion he had suppressed rose to the surface. It was so overwhelming--like he had been pulled under by a rip tide. 

Rhett didn’t know how long he had been sitting there until he felt slightly better. He rested his head against the tree and watched as squirrels zoomed around the quad. He suddenly longed for the simplicity of non-human life: no complex emotions, no societal pressures, no stigma, no hard-ass father he desperately tried to please…

He took a deep breath of the warm spring air and thought maybe he could salvage this. Maybe—just maybe—things could go back to normal. He’d apologize for running and then continue to suppress his feelings. After all, he had been doing it for years. 

Because no, they couldn’t be together. Even if they both wanted to, it can’t happen. They couldn’t risk everything for what may just be young, fleeting love. What if they got together, completely isolated themselves from their family and friends, and realized in a few years they don’t work? Then they’d have nothing. At least this way, they’d still have each other…hopefully. Rhett just needed something to help clear his mind. A summer of not living together would do him good. He’d just work a lot to distance himself from Link so he could reset himself and get ready to…do  _ this  _ all over again. 

Rhett sighed and stood, brushing the dirt from his pants and walking towards the entrance of their dorm...no, of  _ his  _ dorm.  _ I have to stop thinking of us as one _ . But even as Rhett’s mind did one thing, his heart did another: it sank from his ribs to his stomach while the reality of facing Link set in. He just needed the summer—something to put distance between them. He could process his feelings while not being under the influence of Link’s presence. But he’d never been good at setting up mental barriers between him and Link. 

As he walked through the lobby towards the elevator, he passed the activities board, and a certain sign caught his eye.  _ Spend the summer in Slovakia!  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry.....kinda 
> 
> big thanks to Mike @its-mike-kapufty who gave me the greatest compliment ever by saying this "hit harder than the slap outro"


	3. Driftwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _ In my mind_   
_I thought the birds would sing and sparks would fly_   
_But it's just quiet_   
_Am I cruel?_   
_Or am I ignorant or was I fooled_   
_By the stories I knew?_

The next two weeks were beyond uncomfortable. Rhett avoided Link like he was patient zero, and didn’t spend much of his waking hours in his presence. That was, until it was time to drive home for the summer. Link was the only one of the two of them who had a car on campus, so of course he drove Rhett home. Rhett hadn’t wanted to inconvenience his parents or arouse questions by asking for them to pick him up—he had already narrowly dodged a line of questioning from his mama as to why Link wasn't going to Slovakia, but he knew  _ she  _ knew something was up. He couldn’t hide from her, even through the phone. 

Link played their usual Merle mixtape, blasting it louder than usual to drown out the deafening silence between them. Rhett simply closed his eyes and tried to place himself somewhere else, in a simpler time. In his mind he was still with Link, but instead they were driving aimlessly on dirt roads, music blaring, windows down and singing at the top of their lungs. Soon the daydream morphed into fantasy: parking by the Cape Fear River under the stars; laying in their sleeping bags on the bank, like that night years ago with the terrible strawberry wine. 

In his mind, Rhett rolled onto his side to watch Link in the moonlight, appreciating his beauty under the night sky. He would turn Link’s head to face him, swimming in those cerulean eyes before kissing him, languidly and slow. Wrapping up in each other, tasting the summer air on Link’s skin as he nuzzled his neck. They would eventually fall asleep tangled in a single sleeping bag, Link nestled into Rhett’s chest where Rhett could keep him for himself. 

  
  


Rhett was dragged from his daydream when a certain song began to play. The distinct twang of the guitar, the emotional strings. He’d recognize it anywhere. 

_ Always wanting you, but never having you _

_ Makes it hard to face tomorrow _

_ 'Cause I know I'll wake up wanting you again _

_ Always loving you, but never touching you _

_ Sometimes hurts me almost more than I can stand _

Rhett’s breath hitched in his throat. This song had always struck him in a way he couldn’t shake, but now—given recent events—it hit even harder. He glanced at Link from his periphery, who was still staring ahead with an unreadable expression. But Rhett noticed Link’s knuckles were white where he gripped the steering wheel for dear life. Despite Link’s stoicism, Rhett could tell he was faltering, his previously apathetic disposition chipped away little by little. 

_ I'd been better off if I'd turned away _

_ And never looked at you the second ti- _

The first verse was cut abruptly short by Link reaching over and aggressively hitting the forward button on his radio, something he  _ never _ did to a Merle song. In one sense, Rhett was grateful; the song had been too close to home. But in another, it made Rhett’s heart ache, knowing the reason Link had skipped it was because he felt the same. 

The tension in the air dissipated a fraction, but it was still unbearable, and they still had at least forty minutes on their drive. Rhett wanted to bust through the wall between them. 

“Sure will be nice when they make this road four lanes,” he joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere in the cab of Link’s truck, which had been feeling much smaller than usual. 

Link responded with an insincere smile and a “Heh,” and that was the last either of them spoke during the painful journey. 

The closer they got to home, the more the knot in Rhett’s stomach tightened. Sitting so close to Link, who was driving with his right hand on the steering wheel and his left out the window, whose dark hair shone like obsidian in the early summer sunlight, Rhett felt doubt encroach on his mind and heart.  _ What am I doing? Am I really running away from my best friend? The person I love the most? Am I really letting fear send me 5,000 miles away? _

Yes. Yes he was. And he wasn’t strong enough to tear himself out of fear’s gravity, pulling him away from Link. He sighed in resignation— catching a sliver of Link’s attention—before he was once again focused solely on the road ahead. 

Too soon and not soon enough, Link was pulling his Nissan onto Rhett’s road. And once again God had a sense of humor, and another Merle song began to play. 

_ I'm just driftwood _

_ Drifting with the winds that blow across the sky _

_ I can't always be here with you, babe _

_ I'm just driftwood drifting by _

_ Our lives came together _

_ Somehow we came to mingle for a while _

_ Like two colors of the rainbow _

_ We blended well together for a while _

Merle’s smokey timbre carried them into Rhett’s driveway. Normally, this is when Link would park and stay a while. Come inside to see Mama Di and Rhett’s dad, eat a little ‘welcome home’ meal before heading to his  _ other  _ home. Mama Di would dote on Link, “Well gosh, you’re just so skinny! I swear every time y’all come home you got less and less meat on ya bones. You eatin’ well enough? Here, have more potatoes,” while Rhett’s dad would ask “Keepin’ them grades up, son? Lotsa A’s I hope.” 

But there would be none of that today. There was no sense of normalcy in the way Link threw the Nissan into park and didn’t make a move to turn off the engine or undo his seatbelt. Rhett slid out of the cab and closed the door with as little force as possible, grabbing his bags out of the bed. 

“Hey,” Link called as Rhett walked past the open passenger window. Rhett paused and looked at Link directly for the first time the entire trip, and the pain in his cerulean stare was almost enough for Rhett to tear up his plane ticket. “Have a great time in Slovakia.” 

Rhett’s breath faltered a bit before he was able to respond. “Thanks,” he said, hoping it sounded sincere. Link gave him a tight-lipped smile and a slight nod of the head before he put the truck in gear and began to back out. Rhett forced himself to not look back as he heard Link accelerate down the road. He regretted it instantly though, as he didn’t know if Link had waved or not. 

He entered his home with the usual fanfare that accompanied his return home from school: Mom squeezing him in a bear hug and planting lipstick-covered kisses on his cheeks; Dad coming over and shaking his hand with his typical dry “Nice to have you home, son.” 

The only thing different was his mom’s confused look over Rhett’s shoulder. “Link couldn’t stay?” 

“Uhh, yeah. He had to get home right away,” Rhett said with a sigh. He tried not to let any emotion leak into his response, but there was only so much he could hold back. He made his way back to his bedroom, opening his window to clear the room of the stale air that had accumulated since spring break. He collapsed on his bed, and finally let the tears fall. 

He hugged his pillow to himself and buried his face to silence his sobs. Rhett’s body was wracked with longing, and what made it worse was that it was self-inflicted. He tried to take deep breaths and dam up his eyes, but Link’s soft face bathed in sunlight was burned on the back of his eyes, and his heart ached as the Merle lyrics played over and over again in his mind: 

_ Always wanting you, but never having you _

_ Makes it hard to face tomorrow _

_ 'Cause I know I'll wake up wanting you again _

_ Always loving you, but never touching you _

_ Sometimes hurts me almost more than I can stand _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to rhett for flying to fuckin slovakia instead of dealing with his problems -56/10 would not recommend
> 
> also Mike is a beta angel thank u love


End file.
